Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
