Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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