it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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