I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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