I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
