Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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