You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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