omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
