How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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