i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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