Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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