I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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