Nicole vs. Life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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