Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
