Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
