Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
