My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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