Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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