It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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