I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
