Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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