Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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