Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
