i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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