i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
