Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
