The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
