Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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