Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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