Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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