What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
