Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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