god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize