My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
