I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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