He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
