I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
