Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
