I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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