only if we run a train.
done.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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