It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
