Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
