no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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