508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
