Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
