I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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