just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had to coat check the pizza.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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