Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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