Your tits are I can't wait for
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
