Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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