You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
