my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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