Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
