Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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