We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
PANTIES FOUND
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
