Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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