I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
