i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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