it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
