I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i came on her dog
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
