It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize