the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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