I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I looked at my own cervix.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
