Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
