Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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