You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
