Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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