mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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