remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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