It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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