The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
