Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
