he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
