I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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