i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Vodka?
Forever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
